Sometimes, you can be succeeding in one area but failing in another. This is a common challenge for many people and it’s often related to mindset. That’s because you may have mastered positivity in one area of your life but not another.
Dana had this problem. She struggled with her weight for years until she began using a fitness app on her smartphone to track her calories. From there, she started more healthy habits like drinking plenty of water and becoming physically active.
In two years, Dana lost over a hundred pounds. She went on to discover that she loved running and started doing marathons for charity. She often talked about how many kind, compassionate people she met at these events.
Dana had another dream besides becoming fit. She also wanted to run her own online business. She had dabbled in different businesses for years—she started a blog and ran advertising. She experimented with YouTube and even had her own tutorial channel for a while. Then she tried Facebook marketing and managed to make a little bit of money.
But despite all her efforts, Dana couldn’t seem to breakthrough and make any real progress. She was stumped about what to do until a business coach pointed out that to change her weight, Dana had changed her mindset. “Now you need to do the same thing for your business,” she explained.
Kyle had a similar problem. Like Dana, he had experienced transformation in one area of his life and he was excited about it. He had paid off thousands of dollars in student loans and was now using those payments to invest in real estate.
But Kyle struggled to find a romantic relationship. He was on dating websites but he rarely went on any dates. When his brother finally asked him why, Kyle admitted he was nervous. “All I can think about is the potential rejection,” he admitted. “I don’t want that!”
Kyle’s negative mindset convinced him that any woman would automatically reject him. Rather than thinking about the potential positive outcome, Kyle would zero-in on the worst possible scenario.
Andrea could relate. When she saw a news story about kids in the foster care system, her heart was broken for them. She started a small non-profit to help the children in tangible ways. Even though it wasn’t easy, Andrea was passionate about what she was doing.
Andrea grew the cause into an organization that required over fifty people to handle all the donations and support. She was enthusiastic about what she’d done but Andrea still had another dream she wanted to fulfill: she longed to be an actor on TV.
Her positive mindset had enabled her to start an organization that was making a real difference. But she didn’t tap into that mindset when it came to achieving her own dreams. Instead, she focused on all the reasons why the producers wouldn’t hire her.
A friend encouraged her to try out for local parts anyway, “So what if you’re not perfect? Some of the most memorable actors are known because they’re real about their flaws!”
If you relate to some of these examples, don’t get discouraged. You can change your life, too. It all starts with unlocking the power of your mindset and replacing negative programming with positive messages of hope.
You set a goal to be more positive and let go of negativity. Maybe part of that goal was to stop yelling at your kids and start praising them instead. Perhaps your ambition was to stop smoking and take up weight lifting instead.
But another day or week is starting and you’re feeling down. You’ve failed…again. You feel like you’ll never be able to make better choices. You’re angry at yourself for falling into the same old temptation. You’re wondering if lasting change is even possible. When you fail to be more positive, here’s what you need to do…
Some people struggle with this concept. They spend time constantly focused on what they did wrong and why they’ll never reach their goals. This line of thinking creates mental quicksand that will keep you from becoming your best self.
When you think of your failure, try to tell yourself something positive like, “Today is a new day. I forgive myself and release any guilt I feel over the past. I will not dwell on it. Instead, I’ll see today for what it is – a beautiful chance to start over.”
You may have to say this to yourself a few times throughout the day, especially if you struggle with guilt or shame. Self-forgiveness is like exercising—the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
Review Your Failure
Without blaming yourself or wallowing in shame, look at why you failed. Be honest about the thoughts or situations that may have influenced you. For example, you meant to think more positively about your relationship but you picked a fight with your significant other instead.
Consider, what may have prompted you to act this way. Were you hungry? Did you have a bad day at work? Were you frustrated about something else and your significant other was simply the closest target?
Was there a deeper issue in play? Are you resenting your partner’s sudden success in one area? Were you feeling insecure or worried they might leave you?
Obviously, there’s no excuse for taking out your emotions on a partner. But taking the time to dig in and discover what’s really going in your heart gives you the ability to learn from your experience.
Make an Action Plan
Now that you know what prompted you to lean into negativity, make a plan to overcome it. For example, if jealousy was the reason you spent the afternoon tearing down a co-worker, think about what you could do differently.
You could start by creating a positive mantra like, “I release all jealousy and resentment toward my co-worker. Instead, I embrace the fact that there is enough positive attention to go around.”
If you were feeling insecure in your relationship and it led you to pick a fight, you might want to choose a mantra like, “My partner and I are in a stable, committed relationship, and she (or he) loves me for who I am.”
At first, these positive thoughts might be difficult for you. But when you feed your mind positive and truthful statements, you’ll begin to believe them.
When you fully embrace them, it will start to affect your actions. No longer will you feel the need to gossip about your co-worker or belittle your partner’s accomplishments. With your new positive outlook, you’ll find it easier to be generous with others and support them.
Repair Your Relationship
Once you have an action plan for moving forward, you may still find yourself having to stop and heal your relationships. This is especially true if you emotionally injured someone you care about.
For example, if you were unkind to your sister because you’re afraid of losing her, you need to talk with her. This is not the time to justify your actions. Instead, explain what you did and apologize for it.
If your sister or another person you hurt asks, you can share what prompted you to act that way. This can also be a good time to mention what you’re doing to ensure it doesn’t happen again. You might say, “I was worried I was going to lose you. So, I pushed your buttons to start a fight on purpose. In the future, I’ll just be honest and tell you that I’m feeling insecure.”
These admissions are never easy but they do set the groundwork to begin healing a relationship. But keep in mind that though someone may forgive you easily, it can take time to rebuild trust and intimacy after an emotional betrayal.